Emma's First Christmas

Emma's first Christmas was lovely. We had almost all of Shawn's family here including Nora, Desi, Ella, and Billy. Our friend Rob joined us as well. Everyone came over on Christmas Eve so we could have Christmas morning together. Shawn read the Night Before Christmas before getting Emma to bed, and we woke up to stockings.

Santa gave me an electric griddle so challah french toast was a snap.

After breakfast we unwrapped presents.

Ella's pile was certainly the biggest and Emma napped through the present phase of the day. She opened hers when she woke up. And by opened, I mean she ate the paper while I opened the presents. We spent the rest of the day cooking, eating, and playing with our gifts while TBS looped A Christmas Story in the background.

Tara, Chris, and Bill were missed. We had early Christmas with Katrina and Randolph the week before. Unfortunately, the blizzard kept Desi and Nora from coming.

It is now New Year's Eve. My daughter is sleeping in her crib. She woke a few minutes ago and her daddy soothed her back to sleep in moments. She's been sleeping great since a few days before Christmas. I love her so very much and am so grateful to be home with her. Watching her grow is amazing. She is feeding herself cheerios and peas, drinking from a sippy cup, and laughing at everything. I am so content. We watched Away We Go and are now going to bed. We'll set an alarm for just before midnight so we can have a New Year's smooch. I can't think of a better way to ring in 2010.

A day in the life of a stay at home mommy

I have been a stay at home mommy now for just about 3 weeks and I am so very happy. It is so nice to be here with Emma and watch her grow. She is rolling around like crazy now, sitting well, and babbling up a storm. She especially likes saying da-da-da-da-da-da-da and squealing in a lovely high pitched voice. The acorn squash made her break out in hives, so no more squash for Emma. She is enjoying apples, but did not like the avocados. What kind of daughter of mine loves zucchini and sweet potatoes, but hates avocado? I don't understand.

We have a pretty good routine established. She wakes to eat around 5am, and Shawn brings her to bed. We go back to sleep until 7, get up and dressed, then go downstairs for breakfast. I have toast and hot chocolate milk and Emma has the new food of the week.



We play until 9 when she goes down for her morning nap. I get stuff done, including showering and getting dressed until she wakes between 10-11. Then we eat and do whatever errands need to be done and/or play some more.



She's back down for a nap around 2-3 for another 1-2 hours. Shawn comes home and we spend time together, eat, play, and watch some tv.



Emma gets a bath and we get her in bed around 7. If it's a good night, she stays down until midnight then 5 and we start all over!

We have been to a play date, lunch with another mommy and baby 3 times, and a baby/toddler jam session. The play date was great because Amy has a 2 year old and an 8 month old so it's nice to have someone with a baby the same age as me. I met this other mom, Chris at the mall and we hit it off pretty well so have been having weekly lunch dates since I stopped working. Her son is 5 months old and it's fun to tell her what to expect in the upcoming weeks. The baby jam session was disappointing. The music was super fun, there was a guitar and sax and percussion instruments for the kids and we all sang songs. The mommies, however were not friendly at all. It was like they all knew each other and were not interested in expanding their circle to include Emma and I. I kept trying to talk to people and I would get short answers and no reciprocation. It was very high school. We'll try again at the next session in a few weeks, maybe it will be better. Even if it's not, singing Down by the Bay with a sax solo interlude is fantastic!

So far, I haven't missed work at all. I miss having entertaining stories at the dinner table, but not the work itself. I have been busy enough with other adults, and Shawn has been pretty good. I am bad at pouncing on Shawn as soon as he gets home and not giving him enough time to settle in so I am working on that. I think I will try to take Emma to one of the clinics next week to show her off a little bit and remind my good friends that I haven't forgotten them.

Here are some Halloween pictures of Emma as a ladybug and Shawn and I as flowers.

Rehoboth Beach

We went to Rehoboth Beach, DE this weekend. Shawn had a conference for the Maryland Asociation of Nurse Anesthetists and Emma and I played.


It was the Sea Witch festival and they had lots of booths and games, plus a costume parade.




Our hotel was right on the beach and one block away from the festival, so Emma and I were able to go play, and then easily run back to the hotel for naps.




I kept taking pictures of the festival and texting them to Shawn while he was in classes. I wanted him to feel like he was part of it. Shawn was in class until 6:30 on Saturday night and we went to dinner at a cute restaurant called Eden. We shared a risotto for an appetizer, I had a beautifully cooked chicken, and Shawn had the salmon. It was past Emma's bedtime, so we got a key lime pie to go. We spent the whole dinner taking turns standing and rocking with her, but it was nice to have a really good dinner again. We haven't been out to a nice dinner since our anniversary in July.

The next morning Emma and I went to a coffee shop where she had pears and I had a breakfast burrito. Then we went back to the hotel to pack up. I was hoping she would nap while I packed, but no such luck. Shawn got out a little early so we hit up our other favorite pastime in Rehoboth, tax free outlet shopping! We got Emma a bunch of fall/winter clothes and a few pieces for ourselves. Of course she fell asleep in the sling while shopping, effectively killing my shoulder with her dead weight.

It was a lovely weekend. Too cold for any beach time, but we did visit a little.

I just finished my last week of work! I am officially a stay at home mommy now. To celebrate, Emma and I went with out neighbor Brooke to a farm in Maryland to go apple picking. We stopped at the pumpkin patch so Brooke could ge a pumpkin and we took a photo op of Emma in her pumpkin outfit. Then we picked apples and califlower. The broccoli was past it's peak, but we didn't realize it until after we trapsed through the soaking wet plants. We were very muddy and wet by the time we got to the car. It was a lot of fun. We'll be sure to go out earlier next year.




Tomorrow is a Halloween party at Brooke and Oscar's where Emma will be a ladybug and Shawn and I will be flowers ;). Pictures to follow.

-- Posted from my iPhone

A nice day

Emma and I have had a cold this past week. One of her classmates was sick last week and gave it to us. She has been okay, just a little cough and stuffy nose, and a bit clingy. Shawn went climbing in the morning both Sat and Sun and I thought I was going to die. Having a sore throat, stuffy nose, and fatigue while taking care of a baby who was fussy with the same symptoms was not fun. We are on the mend now though. (And no, it's not swine flu)

We are having a lovely day today consisting of eating, playing, and napping. We went to the post office for stamps this morning, and I listened to an interview with the John Potter the Postmaster General on the Diane Rehm show on NPR. Then we went to Trader Joe's where I got more organic zucchini for Emma, and chocolate cat cookies for people for Shawn and me. Since Emma eats the peel too, it's important to be organic says the Williams Sonoma Cooking for Baby cookbook! She went to sleep almost right away when we got back and I have been steaming, pureeing, making a beef stew, and doing laundry with my time. I swear it's just like being on call. I only plan one activity at a time because I never know how much time I am going to get before she wakes up and needs me!

It's been a nice day. Shawn has a meeting at work tonight so won't be home until after 7. If I can clean the house a bit more, I might invite Oscar, my neighbor over for stew. His wife is in Hawaii for work for this week; he joins her on Sat for their 1 year anniversary. He is pretty allergic to cats, so we'll see. The maids come tomorrow, but that won't help me tonight!

Let's see, developmentally, Emma is doing well. She is sitting up like a big girl, especially when she has a fun toy to hold on to so she doesn't think about keeping her balance. She is getting better at rolling over. The bottom arm gets stuck when she goes from tummy to back, but it doesn't seem to bother her. She just keeps twitching her body until her arm is free. When she is on her tummy, her legs are moving like crazy, I keep thinking she is going to take off. She's also having a great time flinging herself from sitting to her tummy then flailing her limbs. She is enjoying solid food. We have given her rice cereal, pears, and zucchini. Next, is acorn squash. Her fine motor control is getting pretty good. She very deliberately will pick up her binky with thumb and first two fingers, turn it over, and put it in her mouth.

I have less than 4 weeks left at work and am very excited. I've been looking at fun activities for us to do, but each time I try to go to one, Emma is napping! I can't bring myself to wake her up just to go to story time at the library, or yoga, or a sing-a-long in the park. I'm sure we'll think of something.

6 months old

Can you believe that Emma is 6 months old?

I can't. The time has flown by. I knew it would, but knowing it would and actually experiencing it are two different things. We gave her rice cereal last night for the first time. She didn't seem to care too much, but Shawn gave her more this morning and she enjoyed it. I made my own and am very proud. I ground brown rice in the blender and it cooks up just like cream of wheat. I really want the Williams Sonoma Cooking For Baby cookbook, and I think I am going to splurge the $20 the next time I'm at the mall. Since my breast milk will not be her only source of nutrition anymore, I like being in control of what foods she eats. I bought a little food mill to grind up stuff, so it should be pretty easy.

This next phase is going to be exciting. She is sitting up tripod style a lot, and hands free a little bit. She rolls over onto her tummy, and has gone to her back a few times, just not all that coordinated. We bought her an excersaucer and she LOVES it. We put her in one to sample at Babies R Us and she literally dove for the toys. My house is slowly getting more and more primary colored decor.

My climbing is slowly getting back on tract. We went camping at Cooper's Rock again a few weeks ago and I was able to repeat two V2s. I did a V3 in the gym today. Considering I was pretty solid in the V4s before I got pregnant, I still have a ways to go. We are going to go camping and climbing again next weekend and hopefully I'll be able to get an outdoor V3. Emma seems to do fine camping. It was a little chilly at night last time, but Kitty gave us a sheepskin so I'll put that on top of our air mattress underneath her and I think it will be fine.

Stay at home mommy

I gave notice to work today.

I have been struggling with the decision to continue working part time (which is usually 3 days a week) or to be a full time stay at home mom ever since returning to work in June. After a lot of soul searching and discussion with just about every woman I know, I have decided to stay home with Emma. She is going to be small for such a short time, I don't want to miss any of it. She is teething already and is 14lbs 13oz at 5 months. I can't believe how fast the time is flying. It seems like yesterday she first smiled at me, and now she is laughing up a storm. I am having such a good time with her. We love to sing and dance and play together. When I am at work, all I can think about is being home with her, and when I am home and have to work the next day, all I can think about is how much I don't want to leave her. Our day care is fine, but I just miss her. Financially, we should be fine. With day care costs, my salary barely brings home much extra. If things do get tight, Shawn's boss will let him do a couple hours of over time. I don't want him to have to do that, but it is nice to know there is that option. My boss also said that she would love to have me per diem a few days a month, if she could create that position. It would be great to be able to keep my hands in clinical practice a little bit.

I am just so glad the decision is made! I've been debating for so long, it's good to be done. Of course I had to give 2 months notice (better than the 4 months from my last job!) so I still have a lot of time.

Now I have to get moving on finding some mom's groups/activities to join so I don't get bored out of my gourd after the novelty wears off.

First Camping Trip

We took Emma camping to Cooper's Rock a few weeks ago and she did pretty well. Shawn's mom, Nora, brother Bill, his girlfriend Monica, Desi, and Ella joined us. Bill, Monica, Emma, and I went out on Friday afternoon to set up camp, and the rest of the family joined us after work. It's about 3 1/2 hours away from home, so the whole party wasn't together until after 9pm. We tried pretty hard to keep Emma's sleep routine. Unfortunately, we were not able to be at the campground with electricity at the campsites, so our air mattress was barely inflated. Shawn and I slept with one of our crash pads under a partially inflated mattress and Emma slept on a firm pillow above our heads. I woke up a million times in the night to check on her.

The next day, we had breakfast burritos with eggs, bacon, and cheese, and headed out to the boulders. Shawn, Bill, and Desi did great; even Monica climbed. (She actually did better on her first time outdoor bouldering than anyone we have ever taken!) I sprained my ankle the week before, so was out of climbing commission. It was hot, but fairly comfortable in the forest, and we had a good time. We had fantastic steak skewers (thanks Des!), chili lime corn on the cob, and grilled pineapple for dinner, and smore's for dessert.

Aside from the unfortunate incident of Nora's car breaking down, getting towed, and having to leave her behind to come home later on Sunday night to get it fixed, we had a good time. Oh yeah, it rained on Saturday night and we didn't bring things inside before going to bed, so that sucked too ;) I look forward to going again when it cools down a bit more. We did our best to protect against mosquitos, but they still got most of us. Emma was covered most of the time so she was pretty safe.

Her own room

My baby girl has transitioned into her crib in her own room.

I wasn't ready for that yet, but Emma told me she was. The last few weeks, she had been waking up 2-4 times a night in her bassinet by our bed. I would hear her start to fuss and then pull her into bed with me to feed, fall back asleep, and wake to put her back when I felt her detach. Then on Sunday, when we were having a hard time settling her into the bassinet, Shawn got the brilliant idea to put her down in her crib to rest until she was really ready for sleep. She fell asleep without a fuss and didn't wake to eat for 4 hours. She has been sleeping in her crib for the past 4 nights and only gets up twice. I am a much better mommy, midwife, and wife with a solid chunk of 4-5 hours of sleep as opposed to 2-3. She wakes up around 12-1am, I go into her room to feed her, then go back to bed. She wakes again around 4 and Shawn brings her to me. I feed her in bed and then just keep her with us until we wake for the day between 6-8. Not only do we get much more sleep now, we get to wake up with her smiling at us.

We are going camping this weekend with Shawn's family to our favorite climbing/camping spot, Cooper's Rock, WV. We'll see how baby girl does on her first camping trip! I sprained my ankle on Sunday so don't anticipate much hiking or climbing on my end, but it should be fun none the less.

Four months old

Look at those blue eyes!

Emmaline is four months old now. She has found her feet and is pretty close to getting her toes into her mouth. Everything else is making it's way into her mouth as she gets better control of her hands. It is amazing to watch her advance every day. She is getting good at grabbing rattles (and mommy's hair) and webble-wobbling back and forth. She rolled over twice a few weeks ago, and hasn't since then. Her smiles and laughs are amazing. I love it when she sees me and smiles, it fills my heart with incredible joy. I knew I would love my baby, but I had no idea how much. This is truly the most awesome thing I have ever experienced.

Shawn is such a good daddy too. He is upstairs singing her to sleep right now. I love seeing her in his arms. He's been doing a good job when I have to work my 12 hour shifts, and she has even been asleep by the time I get home a few times.

I do miss her sleeping through the night. It's been about a month of sleeping 2-4 hour stretches and I think it's her new normal. I know you can start some non breast milk at 4 months and maybe it will buy me some sleep, but I still hesitate. I don't know if I am ready to move on to that yet. She is starting to show some interest in food. She likes to sit on our lap while we eat and has been watching us put food in our mouths, but I'm not going to push it.

We took her to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware a few weeks ago and it was super cute. She didn't care too much for the water, but the pictures are pretty fun! The water was too cold, so we just let her feel the sand on her feet and let the water just touch her toes.

Emma's first swim

Our friend's Pranay and Elizabeth have moved to Baltimore with their daughter Zivia who is 5 weeks younger than Emma. Their townhouse has a fantastic pool that we took Emma and Zivia to. Zivia was not at all pleased with her swim, but Emma seemed to have a good time. Unfortunately, Shawn was at work and couldn't go so he is very sad about missing Emma's "first" of anything. He is off this week though so we should be able to go again soon.

Cold, teething, or hating mommy back at work.

Emma has stopped sleeping through the night.

I treasured every minute of our 4-10 hours of sleep at night, but now it is gone. She is now sleeping from about 9-12, up for a feed, and then up every 2 hours until 7. I can't tell if she is still trying to adjust to occasional day care days, or if her snuffles are really a cold that she isn't shaking, or if the hand chewing and drooling are pre-teething signs that she is uncomfortable with. She has also been super fussy at bedtime again, broadcasting her exhaustion by wailing. We swaddle her up, sway/rock her to sleep, then 20-40 minutes later she is screaming again. It is taking 2-3 cycles to get her down at night now. Last night we gave her gas drops, then tylenol drops, and it seemed to help. She gave me a 3 hour block then a 4 hour block of sleep, so it was an improvement. Today, she has been sleeping most of the day and her snot is yellowish/green. I hope if this is a cold she has been brewing, that it is finally peaking so it can go away! When she wakes up, we are going to go to the health food store and pick up some homeopathic teething drops. I hate to see her so uncomfortable. I have some teething rings in the fridge now. It feels early for her to be teething, but what do I know!



She is awfully cute when she chews on her hands though...

Back to work

Last week was my first week back to work. I cried my eyes out dropping Emma off at daycare and was quite a mess during my clinic day. My brain was not all there and I was not as thorough as I usually pride myself on being. I just wanted to be home with Emma, singing to her, watching her track on objects, and learn to manipulate her world. The next shift was at my teen clinic where the staff threw me a welcome back/congratulations on the new baby party. It was lovely and helped ease some of my longing to be with my baby. They even kept the schedule a little bit light for me so I could get home to her early.

I know I'm supposed to be a modern day woman who has a career and is a great mom at the same time, but I just want to be home with her. On Friday, we went to baby and me yoga at the studio I did my prenatal yoga at, and it felt so good to be there. There was another mom I met while pregnant and we got to meet each others babies. It made me want to be able to do those kinds of things all the time, not just on days off.

We bought Emma a few more toys on Sunday, and Shawn was able to place one of her new rattles in her hand. She grabbed onto it, and actually pulled it into her mouth. She is completely tracking on objects now, even moving her whole head against gravity. She is tolerating tummy time for longer stretches. I think we made it for 2 minutes today without fussing, and she is holding her head up beautifully. Last night, she turned herself halfway over, and then back onto her back. Shawn was laying on the quilt with her and I was walking up the stairs, so we both saw her do it. It's all these firsts that I hate to think about missing while at work. Between my part-time status and daycare, it's not like I am bringing home much money! I do love what I do though, I will give it a little more time. You'll just have to put up with my whining a bit more :)

Emma laughed

Emma is almost 3 months old. I can't believe how much she has changed. She laughed for the first time the other night. It was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. When Shanti and Mira came to visit us, Shanti taught me some dance moves to nursery rhymes to do with Emma. I was doing her favorite "one for the money" and on "four to goooo" when I wiggled her arms, she giggled. She did it four more times, smiling and kicking her feet in anticipation of the big finish, so I know it wasn't a fluke. Shawn got to see her do it too and is just as thrilled as me.

I took her to Day Care for the first time this week and it tore me up. I cried as soon as I walked out the the door. It was only for about 4 hours but it was terrible. I go back to work next week. It will only be 2-3 days a week, but I am dreading the time lost with her. I am seriously tempted to stay home with her, but I owe it to myself and my job to try to work for a while. Shawn says we can probably make it work on one salary, we'll just have to give up some luxuries. Staying home with Emma is worth giving up the maids, right? Right? I know. Priorities :).

Two weeks in Sunny California

We just got back from two weeks in California and boy to we want to move back!


Traveling with a baby was an adventure. Two weeks worth of baby stuff, plus climbing stuff, plus our stuff, is a lot of stuff.

Our first stop was to stay with George, Jen, and Lucinda where we became Godparents at a Welcoming Ceremony. Lucy absolutely loved Emma. She would get a very concerned look on her face when Emma cried, and cried herself when Emma left the room. She kept trying to pet her, and Emma didn't care. The ceremony was very nice, and Shawn and I are honored to have been chosen Godparents.



We then went to my sister's house in Atwater for the night, thinking it would put us closer to Yosemite than Concord. We were wrong! But we did get to meet Emily Elizabeth when she was 6 days old, so that was exciting. The cousins are 4 weeks apart, but since Emily was born 9 lbs 12 oz and 18 inches long, they were pretty close in size. Mary and I spent the evening breastfeeding our daughters while Shawn chased after Tommy.

We headed out of Atwater trusting our GPS named "Jane" to get us safely and swiftly to Yosemite. We knew we were in trouble when she had us turn on to Chowchilla Mountain Road and we saw a sign that read, "No access to Yosemite." But Jane had never been wrong before, so we kept driving. Emma was freaking out in the backseat and would not take the bottle from me. When the road turned to dirt and the next sign read, "Road closed from November to May, End county maintenance," we knew that Jane had led us astray. Unfortunately, we had neither cell service nor a map, and every time we asked Jane to recalculate a route, it would get worse. We turned around and eventually found a man in his garden and he got us on track. Never say men won't ask for directions, Shawn did it twice on this trip! Finding the condo was almost as much fun as finding the way to Yosemite, but we made it and it was worth it.

The condo was everything a condo in Yosemite should be from the snowshoes above the mantle to the Brown Bear toilet paper holder. We settled in, cooked dinner, and had a quite evening. Shawn was even able to climb a boulder just past the parking lot. Shawn climbed a little the next day, but I was pretty useless either climbing or spotting, what with the breastfeeding, diaper changing, and tending to other Emma related needs. Craig came the next evening and Shawn had a better climbing/spotting partner than Emma and me.

Tara and Chris's wedding was wonderful. Tara was radiant, Chris was beaming, and the setting was beautiful. I am so happy for the two of them. Shawn was a groomsman and I spent the whole ceremony bouncing Emma with Binky in hand in case she peeped. She did a good job and I was able to mostly pay attention the wedding. The day was hard though because Shawn had wedding duties leaving the bulk of Emma care to me. By 3 pm I was pooped and we still had a few hours to go. I don't know how single parents do it!

The next day was Mother's Day and we all went to brunch at the Wawona hotel. I greatly enjoyed my first Mother's Day and proudly displayed my beautiful daughter to everyone. I got a carnation and being the newest mother, lead our party of 18 into the dining room. Emma and Shawn were too distracted with the trip and the wedding to get me a present, but we didn't get our own mother's anything either, so I don't blame them.

After brunch, we made our way back to the Bay Area to meet Toni, David, Brooke, and Brooke's grandma Mary for dinner in Jack London Square. It was wonderful to see them and to show Emma off. We had a lovely dinner. There was another new mom at the table next us and we breastfed and bounced our babies for most of the evening, occasionally handing the babies off to another so we could eat a little something. After dinner we took Brooke back to San Francisco and stayed with her for a few days. It is always so great to be in the city, especially when we get to hang out with Brooke. We went to the new California Academy of Sciences, shopped cute baby boutiques and consignment shops, hung out and talked, and even had Sushi delivered.

Then it was on to Livermore for the last few days with my family. Emily had filled out a bit since we saw her the previous week and it was nice to spend time with everyone. Katie came down from UC Davis for a few hours and got to meet Emmaline and Emily. We had nice family dinners, played with Lily and Tommy, and I even went to Dad's middle school production of Jekyll and Hyde, (which was very cute!) Mary, Emily, Brian, Tommy, Shawn, Emma and Itook a day trip to Castle Rock for some climbing/hiking. Tommy had a great time crawling and falling all over the place, and Shawn got some good climbing in. Mary wins the hard core mom award for breastfeeding while hiking at 2 weeks postpartum. They were really good sports and we all had fun. Dad let Shawn and I drive his cute convertible Smart car to a fantastic breakfast with Dad and Alyson. You just can't get Linguisa in Maryland.

The trip was great and as always, made us homesick. I really hope we can find a way to get back. There is so much more to draw us to the west coast, and not a whole lot to keep us in Maryland. We love our home, but it's just a house. We can be happy in another house, right? It's our family and our stuff that make it a home. We'll see what we can come up with in the next year. I'd like to have some money saved up and be able to rent our house until the market picks up enough to make a better profit. Then maybe we'll rent in California until we are sure where we want to be, or maybe get a VA loan and buy soon to take advantage of the low rates and prices now. I don't know....

Two months old today!

My little one is two months old today. The time has flown by. Emma is cooing, smiling, and tracking like crazy. She is sleeping anywhere from 4-7 hours a night and breastfeeding is going well. She still gets super fussy in the evenings, but we have been giving her simethicone drops for gas and it seems to be helping. It's amazing how different Emma looks every day. One day her face is chubby and cute, and the next day she is long and lean. Most of our pictures are when she is sleeping, which is super cute, but we keep trying to catch her smile. In her alert pictures, she always looks the same, mouth open and wide eyed. She is super cute and we love her. We are in California now for Tara's wedding and visiting family and friends along the way. (more on that later...)

New version of lazy weekends

Before we went to bed on Saturday night, Shawn said he couldn't wait to sleep in on Sunday morning. I looked at Emma and said, "Honey, Emma doesn't know what weekends are." Sure enough, my little love was awake at 7:00am. I fed her for a while, and then let Shawn have some daddy daughter time while I made blueberry pancakes. We ate them on our patio before it started raining. Emma wore one of the new outfits her Grandparents bought for her. The rest of the day went about the same as every other day; sleep, wake to get a clean diaper, breastfeed, sleep again, with a little bit of quite alert time in between.

She smiled at me the other morning. As she was waking, I said good morning, and she gave me a big smile. I don't know if they are supposed to be smiling yet, but it sure looked like she did. Aside from having a cold and not being able to get better because I am constantly caring for Emma, things are going well. I am getting more confident in my mothering skills, and am absolutely in love with my little girl. She is focusing on my face really well, I get lost in her eyes. And when she falls asleep curled up on my chest, I don't care that there are a million things I could be doing while she sleeps.
















Look at my little crazy haired girl :)

My little girl is one month old

Emma and her parents.




This is Emma in her Easter outfit.

We are doing much better. Breastfeeding is pretty much under control, she isn't killing my nipples anymore, which is fantastic! She is letting me sleep for 2-4 hours at a time at night followed by a few 2 hour naps throughout the night. Thanks to Shanti, we have discovered that she sleeps pretty well in her car seat. We have two, thanks to Leah and my co-worker Allison so we keep one in the bedroom and the other is for the car. Emma was 7 pounds 9 ounces almost 2 weeks ago, but I am sure she weighs more now. Her ears look bigger to me. She has been getting fussy in the evenings, and eats constantly from around 7-11pm. Unfortunately Shawn doesn't get much happy time with her before she starts her fussiness because he gets home between 4 and 5.

My parents are visiting and are being great. I haven't had to cook, do dishes, or fold laundry for many days. Alyson is going to make a few meals to freeze for us. I have been able to take a shower in the mornings every day, and have even had a few naps. Emma loves her grandparents. Alyson is really good at putting Emma to sleep, and Dad has been singing the Asari Asara song that I remember him singing to my sisters, and I know he sang to me. It's very cute. They bought us a swing for Emma and she seems to like it a lot. It buys us a few minutes to take care of ourselves.

It is 8:00 and she is mid fussy, so I must return to being the human pacifier!

The first two weeks

I was so wrapped up in preparing for labor and birth, and warding against complications like epidurals, inductions, and c-sections, that it didn't occur to me that we would have any problems postpartum. I was so proud of my labor and birth, I thought everything else would be just as smooth. Wrong. Breastfeeding was a little tender for the first day, and I just thought I wasn't getting Emma to open wide enough to get all of my nipple in her mouth. She was feeding every 2 hours for almost an hour each time. By Friday night, my nipples were cracked and bleeding, and I had the tell-tale red streaks on my breasts of mastitis. It felt like someone was driving red hot needles through the center of my nipples. I got on antibiotics, but cried all Friday night through Saturday morning. I pumped a little bit to give my breasts a break for a feed or two, but I was a big mess by Saturday night. I had a lactation consult on Monday, but that was very far away. An old student called to see how I was doing and could tell that I was not okay. She works at a birth center in DC that has lactation teams that do home visits. She and a friend came over at 10:30 on Saturday night. They took one look at Emma and said, "Anne, she's tongue tied! Look at her frenulum." The little thing that connects the tongue to the floor of the mouth was actually connected to her lower jaw so she couldn't get her tongue out of her mouth. So for 4 days, she was chewing on my nipples every time she fed, and couldn't get satisfied. I pumped for all Saturday night through Monday morning.

At our lactation consult on Monday, she confirmed my friend's diagnosis. It is a quick procedure where they just snip the frenulum, most of the time it is done in the office. We went hopefully to our pediatrician that afternoon. Our doctor told us they didn't do the procedure in the office, but got us an appointment first thing the next morning with an ENT doc in Laurel. I continued pumping and tried to give Emma the breast every third feed so she wouldn't forget what she was supposed to be doing. Tuesday morning we met with the ENT who started telling us that he liked to do the procedure under gas anesthesia and that someone from the office would call with an appointment for Friday or early next week at the latest. I almost burst into tears right then and there. I said, "She can't breastfeed, I have mastitis and this needs to be fixed as soon as possible!" His reply was, "You can just pump. I know this seems like an emergency to you, but it really is an elective procedure." Elective?!? I can't feed my child! His compromise was to get us an appointment on Thursday with another doctor who does the quick snip in office. I cried the whole way home.

When we got home, I asked Shawn to call around to find where that doctor was and to get us in sooner. 20 minutes later we were back in the car and headed to the Glen Burnie office. They were very nice there and the nurse was quite apologetic because she was the one who made us the appointment with the doctor who wouldn't help us. The new guy came in, talked a bit, and did a quick snip. He said it hurts about as much as getting a shot. Shawn held Emma, I don't think I could have done it. We went home hopeful that our woes were over.

I tried to breastfeed all Tuesday, but the sharp pains were back in my nipples. We went back to the lactation consultant on Wednesday, and she diagnosed me with thrush. She gave me some nipple shields to give my nipples a break, and told me to call my midwives to get some antifungal nipple cream for me, and the pediatrician to get some antifungal for Emma's mouth. So now, I am almost done with the antibiotics, Emma and I are continuing our antifungals for another week, and we are weaning ourselves off of the nipple shields.

Things are much better now. Emma has been sleeping 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hours stretches at night (except for last night when she fed just about every hour from 12 to 5 am) and is feeding well. We are all much happier. She is up to 7 pounds now and actually has a few outfits that she fits into. Shawn is back at work and we are trying to find a rhythm. I am trying to sleep when she sleeps, but sometimes I have to eat! All in all, I am settling into motherhood and I like it.

Labor was intense

When last we spoke, I was sitting on a birthing ball in my kitchen and the contractions were just starting to make themselves known. My labor was fairly short, but very intense and I am pleased with how it went. After some time on the ball in the kitchen, I decided to try to get some sleep. I laid down with Shawn for a little while, but every time I dozed off, a contraction would come and I would have to wake up and breath through it. I gave up and took the ball into the guest bedroom where I hoped to be able to lean on the bed and rest between them.

By 1am, I wasn't able to keep myself calm through them and I woke Shawn up to help me. Hypnobirthing was working fairly well, but I needed help. Shawn put on our relaxation music and rubbed my back while I sat on the ball and leaned on the bed. By 3am things were really intense. I could hear my toning during the contractions getting deeper and more guttural. When I had to vomit, I thought to myself, "Anne, you sound like you are in good active labor. It's time to go to the birth center." Shawn called the midwife who was in another delivery so didn't call us back for 45 minutes. Meanwhile, I was struggling to keep calm and not looking forward to the car ride. The only way I could deal with the contractions, was sitting on the birthing ball with Shawn rubbing my back. The car ride was as awful as I imagined it would be, and I moaned through every contraction while trying to get into a better position. Shawn kept trying to relax me, but it was pretty useless. Once we got to the birth center, it was another challenge to get from the car to the center. I remember squatting in the elevator while Shawn held the "door open" button and said, "Baby, can we just get out of the elevator?" Once inside, I saw with relief that Jen was filling the jacuzzi, and there was a birthing ball waiting for me. I fell onto the ball, and felt a little more in control.

After starting my IV for penicillin to treat my GBS and listening to the baby's heartbeat, Jen checked my cervix. I was so proud to be 5 cm, halfway there! I got in the tub hoping for some good relief, but was disappointed to still feel the contractions just as strongly. I just withdrew even more completely into myself, chanted my birth affirmations, and OOooooooooed through each contraction.

I was in a very interesting state of consciousness. I was aware of Shawn talking to me, but I couldn't answer him. I remember thinking very clear thoughts between contractions, from the mundane like what happened on a recent TV show, to wishing there was a dimmer switch on the bathroom lights. Then when the contraction would hit, I would just start moaning until it went away. I tried to keep my body as limp as possible and just go with my labor, but once in a while I would have a really intense contraction and panic. My moans would become higher pitched and I would try to run away from them and tense my whole body. Shawn was with me the whole time, rubbing my back and encouraging me. When my moans would get too high, he would tell me to lower the pitch. When I got too tense, he would help me to relax. I remember him telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me, I just couldn't vocalize anything back.

When I got to 7cm, the urge to push hit me. I couldn't help but bear down with some of the contractions. Jen said my cervix was stretchy enough to handle the limited pushing, so I just listened to my body and went with it. A little while later, Jen declared me fully dilated and gave me permission to push as needed. I seemed to feel the baby descending, so I checked myself and felt a big, fat anterior lip of cervix. That's when the cervix is open everywhere except at the top. I told Jen I thought there was a lip and asked her to reduce it for me. Holy Crap that hurt!!! The rest of labor was intense, but mainly felt like extreme tightening of my uterus and terrible back pain, but having my lip reduced hurt so bad it made me want to vomit. I was trying to push as she pushed up the bit of cervix, but it wasn't very effective. By that time, Kimla came to relieve Jen, but since I was so close, they both stayed with me. Jen said the words that I have told so

many of my patients, "Push where it hurts the most. Don't run away from it." It turns out that Emma was OP. That means she was facing up, instead of down, and makes pushing much harder, especially for a first timer. I had to get out of the tub to push more effectively. That's about when the cliched phrase of, "I don't want to do this anymore" came out of my mouth and everyone laughed at me.

I tried walking and lunging to turn her little head, and ended up squatting for most of the rest of pushing. Once things felt like they were moving well, I got onto the bed in a side lying position laying in Shawn's lap. Feeling Emma's head moving down, and seeing her head bulging through my perineum was surreal. I have seen it so many times from the other end of the bed, looking down and seeing my own baby emerge from my body was incredible. Once her head was out, I

forgot that I had to keep pushing. She had a nuchal cord that was too tight to reduce, so Jen delivered through it and brought the baby right up to my chest. Shawn and I held her together and we rubbed her little back until she got nice and pink and had better tone. Shawn was crying so much, his tears were falling into my eyes. I asked, "Shawn, what do we have?" and spread her little legs to reveal that we had a daughter. That brought on a whole new wave of tears. We cut her cord together and just snuggled while Jen tried to put my labia back together.

We had a few hours of new family bonding time before we were ready to go home. We breastfed well (or so I thought, but that's another story) got dressed, packed up, and were home 5 hours after Emmaline Grace was born. There was no cell service in the birth center, so the car ride home was for calling family. I was so proud of myself for having gone through labor and birth without medication and to have been in the birth center. Hypnobirthing worked pretty well and I was pleased. I wouldn't say it was "an easy, comfortable birth," but it was manageable. We have a beautiful daughter who has not let me write this birth story until now that she is 2 weeks old. I hope to update my blog soon with the first 2 week woes, which were much more complicated than I thought they would be! Things are better now, she is feeding well and gaining weight. I am thoroughly in love with my little girl, and Shawn is a great daddy. He went back to work today and Emma has been crying a lot more today. I think she misses him.

There are great pictures both on Shawn's blog smseifert.blogspot.com and his photo site smseifert.zenfolio.com

My water broke!

Just as I was starting to get anxious about being 40 weeks and 4 days, my water broke this evening. I had really hoped to be in good active labor before that happened, but with the barometric pressure today, I didn't stand a chance. I was lamenting the weather and wanting my Spring baby when I pulled up to the house after a difficult prenatal yoga session, and saw the blossoms on the Bradford Pear's just starting to open. I stopped dead in my driveway and said, "My baby is coming!" and then in true prego fashion, burst into tears. I was home for maybe half an hour and started journaling a little. There was a birthing book I wanted to look at upstairs in the baby's room. When I was about 3 steps into the room, I felt a gush of fluid, clamped my legs together, and shuffled into the bathroom to sit on the toilet. Luckily Shawn came home about 5 minutes later and was able to rescue me with a wet washcloth and some Depends. I called the midwife and am waiting for good active labor. I tried to sleep a little bit, but laying in bed makes the contractions worse. I am much more comfortable sitting on the birthing ball (also known as an exercise ball for those in the regular world.) I am going to try to sleep leaning on the bed while sitting on the ball now. I am hoping for a good labor and birth, I am just a little sorry that it is going to take a heck of a lot longer than I had hoped. Next post will be my birth announcement! I can't believe I'm going to be a mom so soon.

A Due Date is only an estimate

Here's me last night.

Tomorrow is my due date, but only about 6% of women give birth on their due dates so I'm not holding my breath. I went back to work this week, no use wasting my maternity leave waiting for a baby. Fortunately, the scheduler has been kind to me and I haven't had any L&D shifts. Today, while reviewing charts at our private office with one of my colleagues, we had a phone call from a lady who is 31 weeks pregnant asking when she should go out on maternity leave. I looked at Katie and said, "I'm 40 weeks tomorrow and I'm still working. I don't think I can keep from snapping at her. Can you handle this call please?" Turns out the lady works at Jiffy Lube so her belly will be getting in the way of oil changes sooner rather than later so it wasn't a totally insane question. I probably still would have told her that I delivered a baby at 37 weeks so suck it up! Good thing I know my limits, huh? :) Shawn also got the flexibility to take 2 weeks off whenever baby comes so we are both good on the leave front.

Last week, my friend Kathy did a belly cast for me. I think it turned out great. It was funny though when she asked if I wanted breast and belly or just belly because both gets a little personal. I laughed at her because we went to midwifery school together and practiced pelvic exams on each other. It doesn't get much more personal than that! Her baby is about 2 so this is both of our casts side by side. Mine is the one on the right.



I'm definitely feeling more uncomfortable. I am now sleeping with 6 pillows; 3 under my head for the heartburn, one under my belly, one behind my back, and one with an extra blanket stuffed inside between my legs. Shawn likes to reach over and pat my head now and then as he can no longer find me to snuggle. The last two days I've been feeling really nauseous and gassy. I've taken 4 doses of Tums today alone. This morning I had oatmeal to try to start things off nice and bland, and still had heartburn by 10. My back is aching, but mainly the upper part, and I am very tired all the time. I am still getting up 3-5 times a night to pee, it's just taking longer to get back to sleep because I have to rearrange my multitude of pillows every time.

At my prenatal visit yesterday, the midwife was telling me about one her patients who lost her baby at 38 weeks. People often forget that I am pregnant too and that shop talk is not always the best! So this morning around 4am when I got back from peeing and realized I hadn't felt the baby move for 2 potty runs, I began to panic a little. I poked my belly a bit to wake baby up, and then gave up, grabbed my stethoscope, and lay on the bathroom floor listening to the baby's heartbeat for a while. Then I couldn't go back to sleep so I got up and sorted through more baby clothes. I went back to sleep around 5:30, before my alarm went off at 6:30 for my morning clinic day. I'm pretty tired.



Shawn took this picture two weeks ago and I think it's just beautiful. I was feeling very big, but not too uncomfortable yet.

I am looking forward to baby being here and getting more of my body back. I think I am as ready as I'm going to be. I continue to stay calm and not rush things so as to reduce the stress hormones that can inhibit labor. I am getting bombarded with phone calls of, "are you in labor yet?" and "is the baby here yet" and am practicing my calm, relaxation techniques so as not to be too stressed and snap at everyone. Like I would really have the baby and not tell anyone! People also think that babies just fall out and forget that I will be in labor for a long time so everyone will have plenty of warning. Average labor for a first time mom is about 14 hours. I think I'll be fine on the notification side of things.

Shawn and I continue to practice our relaxation techniques and guided imagery/hypnosis and I think it's going well. I am able to put myself into a very deep relaxation and have been able to mentally remove my back pain. I recite birth affirmations every day, and am feeling confident that I can have an unmedicated birth.