Nursery Woes and Pregnancy Musings

Here's me at 30 weeks.  

Shawn was off last week.  One of those use it or lose it vacation times.  He really wanted to use that time to paint the nursery, since I was going to be working so much.  We had gotten a bunch of paint samples from Lowes a few weeks ago, we just hadn’t made the final decision as to which one to go with.  I wanted a soft sage, and Shawn wanted a brighter, more childlike color.  We compromised with a fun limey green, which turned into mintchocolate chip once it hit the walls.  I really didn’t like it, but Shawn had spent so much time on it, I felt bad.  We tried to live with it for a few days, but I hated it even more.  Then we bought a comfy chair for feedings, a chair and a half with ottoman, which turned out to be so big we had to take the door off the hinges to get it in the room.  Then with this huge chair and ottoman, mint green walls, and my raging hormones, I ran out of the room and burst into tears.  We went shopping the next day for a new color and now it looks great.  It’s a nice, bright sage, softer, but still bright and childlike.  We were smart this time and brought a carpet square, wall hanging, and fabric sample from the chair to the paint store to be sure we would be happy.  

Here's the original color.  It looked much more obnoxious in person.

And here's the new one. It looks much better in person. 

Now that the paint is on the wall, there is some furniture in the room, and more on the way, we are feeling pretty good.  I have been doing some great bonding with my baby the last few weeks.  The movement is getting more personality.  I can feel individual body parts and am having fun poking the foot and feeling it kick me back.  All of my midwifery books talk about the psychological transformations that occur during pregnancy and the preparation for motherhood.  It’s funny how I am totally normal.  First trimester was very self centered, all the changes that were happening to me and my body was totally separate from the life I was growing.  I knew I was pregnant, but it still didn’t feel very real.  I kept scrutinizing every change as if to verify the pregnancy.   I would almost chant, “I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant,” to keep it real for me. 

Second trimester was hard because I felt like I should be bonding with my baby, and glowing and happy, but it still felt very distant.  I would feel the movement and know it was the baby, but it still felt very alien.  Other people were happier about my pregnancy than I was.  I mean I was happy, don’t get me wrong, but I was just detached, like I was keeping the baby at arms length.  I couldn’t get attached. 

Now that I am truly into the third trimester, I am embracing this baby and the new life Shawn and I are going to have.  I rub my belly all the time, and having fun showing it off to friends and coworkers.  I don’t even mind when they rub my belly without asking.  (Of course strangers haven’t done it yet and I think that may make me a little crazy.)  I love having people feel kicks and seeing their faces light up when they really feel it.  I’m happy.  It’s nice.  Shawn has been fantastic too, very attentive and loving.  He has the cutest giggle when he feels the baby move.